Winning myself

Forward, onwards I go, rushing for the finish line,

All I thought about was the goal that will define who I am,

The rat race was hard I pushed myself, in every way I pushed myself

Little did I know I was pushing myself to a deadly cliff...

Did you see my reflection, how I drowned myself with food,

 And I thought it was passion, but it was deeper than the ocean to really see what lies underneath,

I was angry, I was broken, I was a lot of ugly things and yet I appeared fine I manage to smile,

But inside I was fighting myself, a battle that I never knew existed,

I found myself in a hospital bed bleeding and fighting for life,

Alone in a cold room surrounded with white walls with an empty heart,

I journeyed to another place seeking challenge not knowing I have not yet conquered the challenge within,

I found friendly faces but found hostility as well, as I journey my health failed me so I had to return home,

But home was not to be found, home was a place where love is,

I wallowed as I waited thinking why my plans was not materializing,

I was battling my thoughts, my anger, my anxiety, my brokenness,

Then I realized the opportunity that God has given me,

“He told my heart, my child stop and rest for a while take time to heal, learn the value of patience once you have mastered it then you can sail into any seas”

So I sat in a corner watching the trees dance, watching the birds fly, I took heart the peace and joy God has given....I’m still waiting but with joy in my heart.